A rich conversation is the authentic exchange of what we think and feel - our concerns, hopes, fears, expectations, perceptions. It reflects our values and beliefs, who we are and what is important to us. A rich conversation is from the heart to the heart. It goes far beyond a sharing of knowledge. It calls us to find a different way to resolve our conflicts.
In order to connect at this deep, meaningful level, we need to face our fears; work through difficulties; overcome attitudes and behaviours that get in the way of understanding. When we do, we begin to relate to others in a new, more powerful way. We discover common ground. We are able to create new realities for ourselves and others.
You may think instances of rich conversation are rare but do they have to be? Do they only occur with people who have a special relationship or in unique circumstances when the stars are perfectly aligned? We don't think so. We believe it is possible to manifest wisdom in every group situation - the potential is always there, waiting to be discovered.
Rich Conversation is based on a few core beliefs, guiding principles and common practices.
Beliefs:
Every human being has both a deep need and an innate capacity to connect with others in a meaningful way. Although we are separate individuals, we still are and need to be part of the greater whole. Without independent thought, there are no new ideas. Without group will, there is no universal progress.
Every person can make a unique and valuable contribution to group wisdom. As part of the greater whole, each individual has the responsibility to actively participate in the group experience. Even small interventions are often the catalyst for breakthrough results.
Every group is capable of manifesting wisdom. Although we are not always aware of it, we glimpse it when we experience insights or "bright ideas" that seem to come from nowhere.
Disorder is necessary for growth. We often experience disorder as conflict (internal and external). It is good for people to openly, honestly and respectfully express their differences. The uncertainty, confusion and consternation it generates leads to new insights.
Principles:
Embrace diversity and respect differences. Some of us approach issues with pre-formed conclusions. We view ourselves as advocates of a position. Differences of opinion become challenges to be defended against. We are afraid of losing and we try to shut down opposition to our ideas.
Empowerment starts with the realization that a group is intelligent because of its differences, not in spite of them! We are all richer and wiser when we listen first, foremost and always for the wisdom that comes from the unique mixture of background, personality, culture, education, talents, options, values and priorities in a group.
Be true to yourself. Many of us are conditioned to conform, to avoid conflict and suppress differences. We avoid expressing a point of view that might seem contrary to that of others. We don't want to say or do anything that might be disagreeable or critical - perhaps because we fear ridicule, resentment or rejection. When we behave this way, it greatly diminishes growth and productivity, our own as well as the group's.
By learning to assertively express our genuine perceptions, beliefs, feelings and concerns about an issue, we fulfil our commitment to contribute to the conversation and its outcome.
Stop, Look and Listen. Learn to recognize insights when they appear and bring them to the attention of the group. Be a role model by being fully engaged in the conversation, listening hard to what others say, especially when we disagree with them. By focusing more on what a person says rather who is saying it or how they say it, we are opening ourselves to insights that bridge even the widest chasms.
Let go. Give group wisdom a chance. Give up the idea that you need to control everything. Give up false assumptions about time and how to use it.
Practices
When we put rich conversation beliefs and principles into action, we learn to practice:
Curiosity. Explore the concerns, assumptions and beliefs of every individual. Stay open and curious about an issue and different perspectives around the table. Be prepared to listen to others say what they think and feel. Keep the critical mind at bay. Seek to understand from the heart as well as the head. Curiosity creates the mental space for insight.
Divergence. Divergent thinking is key to growth. Resist the urge to dismiss an idea as stupid or unfeasible. "Stupid" ideas are often a catalyst to inspired solutions if they are allowed to live in the air for awhile.
Assertiveness. Be willing to respectfully challenge ideas that you believe are unworkable or that go against your beliefs and values. A truly rich result comes from honest and open probing and confronting.
Patience. All discussions have a natural flow. Resist the urge to divert the conversation when it gets uncomfortable; or to cut off the conversation in order to save time. Become attuned to the flow and learn to sense when it is time to move on naturally rather than forcing it.
Co-creation. It is not enough to practice curiosity, divergence, assertiveness and patience. It is our joint responsibility to co-create. Rich conversation intentionally weaves disparate ideas, concerns and perspectives into a collective outcome, achievable because it is the will of the group.
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